A Quick Joke About Sarah Jessica Parker

My roommate in college, Martin, was a model and an actor. This, among other reasons, was one cause of the crippling body image issues that wracked his everyday life. His acting professor at the time told him, "Martin, so much of beauty is perception. Look at Sarah Jessica Parker. She's not conventionally attractive, and yet people still think she's beautiful. Do you know why? Because she carries herself like she's beautiful, and people who see her believe it." Of course being obsessive-compulsive as he was, Martin went out and rented the first three seasons of Sex and the City to study. Or more accurately, out of embarrassment, he forced me to rent them for him. Because the best way to look more hetero while renting Sex in the City is to bring your boyfriend along with you for support. We immediately headed back to the dorm, excited to start watching and learning from a master, but we weren't fully prepared for one thing: Sex in the City is terrible. Before we even got through the first scene, Martin had forsaken SJP's supposed wisdom on confidence, despite her on-screen sexual successes, and went back to an old standby -- getting drunk and starving himself. Me, I just felt like if I was going to have to watch someone fuck a horse, I could probably find porn with better dialogue.

People Are So Fickle

Oh baby, baby, please
I feel an urgent need to apologize
I did a terrible thing in a terrible dream
And now I can't look you in the eyes
It started when we were out on a date
When you turned to say,
"I gotta tell you something odd
I know I said we'd get married
But I'm already married"
And that's when you laughed so hard
So I turned and swung
I woke in a shock
My nails digging blood from the base of my palms

It's just that people are so fickle
They fall in love at different angles
So really I could lose you just as quickly as I've gotten you
And that's the kind of thought that makes me nervous
I'm worried if you'll really think I'm worth it
When the rush wears off and you're left with this busted person
But if you tell me you will I will do what I can to believe it

So, baby, all these things that I've seen
Last night while asleep
This morning they're messing with me
And now I'm anxious as hell
And looking for help
To the pleasant and painless, some story to tell
With a through line of calm
That could stop me from being myself

Cause all I think is how I want to be your fever
Just to know I make you heated
Cause I'm worried you might see me more like a blanket
Who's there for comfort and for cover
From the glare of former lovers
All that passion that kissed you and bit you until you were devoured
And I'd like to get better cause thinking like this is torture

And if I can't stop it
You'll be sick of bearing crosses
And you'll jump to cut your losses
You'll go get quarantined somewhere far from me
Where it's much less dangerous
Maybe if I wake up and quit dreaming
I could shake the shit I'm fearing
And I could feel like I'm just freaking out for no good reason
I'll tell you what
It's a line I can cross
Once I get there, I'm not ever leaving

Brief Success!

Did my first round of auditions for the short film I wrote, and while that was mostly fail, I spent that three hours not bored! No! In fact, I successfully took the Awkward-Talk out of Awkward-Talk Eye-Candy Barista. It was some of my finest work, and involved no plans and no trickery! All that remains is friendship, and an offer to try Jiu Jitsu. Which if that happens, should prove a hilarious adventure seeing as how I can barely run on a treadmill.